7th Grade

Seventh grade was filled with a LOT of changes. We'd moved again between 6Th and 7Th grade, but this also meant I was reunited with some of my friends from my first school. I played violin in the Orchestra again this year. I also had my first year on track, I so wanted to be as good as my Dad at track. I had a fabulous Biology teacher who let me argue with him. He said our class scored the highest out of all his classes. I also took my first year of Pre-Algebra, I only made a C though. I was also selected to take the ACT, they wanted to jump me up to the 9Th grade because I scored the same as 9Th and 10Th graders. It scared me to even think about high school, I knew I just wasn't ready for it yet and everyone was really nice about it when I said no that I wanted to stay in my grade. One of my cousins also started molesting me, I had went over to there house a few weekends each months for past several years. The worst time was at the church we all went to. After that I quite going to their house for sleepovers and also stopped going to their church. I was still trying to hold on to my faith, I must have read the story of Job a hundred times over the next few years. I learned later that she had been molested also and was able to finally forgive her. This was also the year things got really bad with my oldest brother and he started raping me, I can still hear the sound of the paneling as it scraped against the carpet when he would come in at night and still am paranoid about bathroom windows. This year was mostly a confusing painful mess for me but I'm glad I have the good memories from this year too.

Fifth and sixth grade

There are only a few things I remember from these year. The first is I started to taking Orchestra class, I think my teachers name was Mrs. Dunn. I also played basketball in the fifth grade, all the other girls treated me badly because I was poor. There were two girls my age who lived down the street, Sandy and Shannon. Sandy played basketball too and was really mean, so were her parents. My sister and middle brother were playing in the car one day and accidentally put it in neutral. It was an old car that you didn't need the keys to shift it. The driveway was on a slope, so they rolled down the hill into the ditch on the other side of the road. Her Dad was the only one we knew who had a truck and he wouldn't help and was really mean about it. Shortly after we moved in we met the neighbor and my Mom had us call him "Uncle Bill". My cat, a Russian Blue named Smoky, would sit on top of the carport and if he came too far up the driveway she'd pounce on him. He was a bad man who groped me the few times I was alone with him. Smoky always woke me up between two and three in the morning to make rounds. I'd have to go with her and make sure all the doors and windows were closed and locked. One night my Mom caught us. I explained to her that Smoky wouldn't let me sleep if we didn't make the rounds. I also experienced my first pet death at that house. Kyle was a beautiful Blue Merle Collie, he was technically my brothers dog. He'd started getting slow and acting really tired all the time. I asked Mom what was wrong and she said he was old and would probably die soon. The night he died I went outside because somehow I just knew. I layed outside with him all night, both of us covered with my blanket, and he passed away while I slept there with him. I was sad, but I knew he was at peace and that he didn't die alone. Something else I remember is my Dad was working at a factory where they made circuit boards, he scrimped and saved enough to get us a TI99/4A for Christmas. I loved the TI, Dad taught me how to input the codes and save the programs to tape. I usually didn't save them because I liked typing in the code each time. There was one program that made a rocket shoot up and I think a seperate one that did fireworks. They came out with and adapter so you could play atari games on it. My middle brother loved to play Car Wars, he called it crash and burn. The worst thing was when the Challenger accident happened. We all made this model of it in school as a memorial, all the classes did something, it was our class and my fifth grade teachers class. My older brother started changing, he was becoming mean and it was really confusing to me. Where did my big brother go? He was always my protector and my best friend and now he was hitting me for no reason. Oh yeah, one last thing, one our way to school the roads were hilly. Those two years during winter we'd get to running good until we hit an ice patch and then we'd slide across the patch. It was so much fun and the closest thing to ice skating I've ever done.

Last year at York : (

This is Fourth grade year. I don't remember my teachers name or much of anything else. I do remember this is the last year I had my big brother. He started playing violin in Orchestra, after school he'd let me watch him practice and started teaching me to play. In April my parents told us we were moving and we'd have to change schools. I was so upset. I didn't want to leave my friends and the people I'd known all my life. In June, after school was out, I went to Awana's at our church. I had a friend who lived on the other side of the church from where I'd lived. I had decided I was going to run away to her house and talk her Mom into letting me stay with them. I rode to church with friends of my family, after our meeting was over I told them I had a ride. I delayed as long as I could, I guess they knew I was lying, they ended up taking me home. I wasn't supposed to go that night. After they dropped me off I tried hiding behind the house next door to make sure no one had heard the car doors. I guess Mom had cause she sent John out to get me. I don't really remember how I was punished.

Third Grade

I don't remember a lot from this year, I do remember having Mrs. Williams for a teacher and she was really really nice.My Grandparents own our house and the house next door where my Aunt and Uncle lived. My Aunt has been legally blind for as long as I can remember. She also always had "baby hair" and had to wear wigs. I didn't really understand that at the time, I just thought she was really nice. One day they were there and the next they were gone and there had been a fire that gutted the house. This was the third fire that year for me. The first one was at our youth building at the church behind our house, they said it was electrical. We took those who had to sit watch overnight food and water. They had to watch for a week to make sure it didn't flair up. I think this is about the time I started going to church with my other Uncle, Aunt and cousins. The other fire my brother started, he was playing with matches in our room. For some reason there was a mattress over the window and it was burned too. Mom says I was home when it happened but I don't remember it. Mom must have discovered it quickly and put it out. We switched rooms with my parents after that.

Mrs. Mason

I hated school this year; I have the meanest teacher in the world. She yells and cusses and spanks us without our parents’ permission. My mom told the principal I was to be sent to the office if my teacher thought I needed spanked. She's the only teacher my Mom made that choice about, she had given permission to my previous teachers, and they never had to spank me. I started getting quiet and pulling into myself. I don't remember much about that school year, other than getting three spankings that I know I didn't deserve. The last one was for handing thumbtacks up to a classmate, to put back on the board, the "wrong way". Someone had pulled the tacks down when she left the room and we didn't want to get in trouble.
Mom is pregnant again my middle brother is born shortly after school lets out for the year. Dad joined the Army National Guard; he was gone for about 2 months total during the summer. I don't really remember anything much from the school year, mostly school and church same as before. We went down to Florida to visit family right after Mom had my brother; all of us packed in my Uncles and Grandpa's car. I was able to meet my Great-Grandma and Step-Great-Grandpa on Mom's side for the first time I remember. He was in a nursing home, he was blind and going senile. He died shortly after we went home. I spent almost every day that summer outside riding my bike or down at my Great-Grandma's house. I ate so many oranges my Mom swore I'd get sick. I really enjoyed that summer. I was so glad to get back home and be with my Dad though.

I started first grade in 1980, this year I get Mrs. Cebolt, and she’s a really bubbly lady. We have big teeth hanging from the ceiling and each time we lose a tooth we get to put a small tooth on our hanging tooth. I think that made losing our teeth kind of fun instead of scary. I made a new friend this year named Phylis, her family are the only African-Americans in my school but it didn't matter to me, she was a really great person and is someone I'd love to find again someday. This was a big year for several reasons; the first reason is we're voting for a new president. The whole school gets to "vote" for who they want for President. We have actor running for president, Mr. Ronald Reagan. It’s so neat because every day we learn a little bit about elections and why it's important to vote. I voted for Reagan cause he was a lot like my Great-Grandpa, I was so happy when he won. The second thing was when Reagan was shot and almost died in March of that year. I heard a lot of grown-ups talking about John F. Kennedy; he was killed in November of 1963. Everyone was happy when Reagan lived. The last big thing at school was our teacher and her family went on Family Feud, we watched it the day she was on TV and her family did really well. I don't know why, but she never came back to teach after that and that made me sad. I liked the new teacher ok, but it was confusing. I don't remember the other teachers’ name.
At home things were getting better; Mom was able to care for my sister more so I was able to play with my friends. Mom was really getting worried about the old man across the street, I think this must have been around the time that rumors started going around the neighborhood. She seldom let us go over to his house. I do remember him giving me a big doll for Christmas, he bought us all presents. I had a picture until a few years ago when my house burned down, but that story comes much, much later. My Aunt and Uncle moved in next door, they were renting from my Grandparents like us. I remember a funny smell sometimes coming from their house; I later learned they smoked pot. Mom didn't want us going over there unless she was with us. I joined the correspondence class for my favorite TV show this year. I loved getting mail. I worked really hard on my lessons and sent it back in to be graded. I liked "big people" church, but couldn't wait to get home for my show.

Kindergarten

September 1979 and I get to start Kindergarten, I get the same teacher. Mrs. Mayfield taught a split class so I get to see her every day again, it made me so happy. I continue to learn to read, although I already pretty much knew it by then, she was such a great teacher the year before. I also get the same music teacher. I met my friend Carrie this year, she's so kind and we're a lot alike. I have another friend named Jennifer; she's a lefty so I want to learn how to write with my left hand also. Mrs. Mayfield tells me I can learn that later, I have to learn with my right hand better first. She used several fun games to determine which hand was our dominate hand, but she was never mean about it like some teachers I've read about.
At home we're getting ready for a baby; my Mom is pregnant and has my baby Sister in January. Mom got really sick and is in bed most of the time. It's very confusing. My Grandma from Florida came up shortly before she was born for Christmas. She stayed here while Grandpa and my Uncle went back home, Grandpa had to work and my Uncle had to get back for school. Grandma teaches me how to make bottles, change diapers, and my favorite thing was when she taught me to make her special biscuits. I found out after I was an adult that Mom lost a lot of blood and almost died when she had my sister. She was born at a catholic hospital, so even though she probably should have had her tubes tied she couldn't have it done. I still went to church a lot and was able to play outside with my friends some, but life had started to change. After Grandma had to go back home I spent a lot of time inside helping take care of my sister, we even had her crib set up in my brothers and my room. This was back in the days when family services didn't jump down your throat yet about kids sharing rooms. Dad and Mom had raised Dogs for sale and for shows before, but with Mom sick they couldn't do that anymore. Dad still had our chickens and rabbits. My brother and I helped feed them. We also plucked feathers when Dad killed a chicken. I guess since I grew up around it I thought it was funny watching the chicken run around without its head. I also watched Dad kill the rabbits and clean them, my brother got to help with that and I was jealous. I still had my dog, he was born shortly before I was, and my brother had his, she was born shortly before he was.
That's it for now.

Preschool

I'm changing the format a bit for the next few year, till I get through high school, I feel It'll be easier to separate it by school year till then.
It's September of 1978 and I get to start Preschool, I have been looking forward to it so much. I have a great teacher, Mrs. Mayfield I think was her name, and she was so kind and gentle. I remember I couldn't tie my shoes yet, she had a special shoe she had me work with. It was a piece of wood actually with a brightly colored shoe painted on it. I don't remember how the laces part was done, but I remember trying and trying till I succeeded at tying the shoe. She was so proud of me. I felt so good. I also start learning to read this year, there's a big chart on the wall that shows the different sounds the letters make. My teachers tell my Mom I'm one of the best readers she has in the preschool part of her class. I also started learning about music, my teacher was Mrs. Horn. I loved music class, I had always loved singing at church and now I was learning to read the music. I didn't know at that point, but she would be a happy constant for many more years and she would teach me so much. She was also very kind, but also strict. I never got in trouble in her class; I was a very obedient child. I also didn't want to have to sit in the hall and miss any class like the trouble makers did.
Home life was pretty much the same, a lot of playing outside with my friends. I went to church on Sundays, both morning and night, and also on Wednesday nights. I don't remember who my teachers were there, but remember I enjoyed Sunday school. I remember the main sanctuary as being dark and the preacher talking about hell, more like yelling really. I loved school breaks because I got to go to the country and visit my Grandparents and Great-Grandparents especially for holidays.
That's all I remember right now.

The "big city"

My parents decided to move to the "big city" in the beginning of 1977. The first house we lived in was a little green house. My brother would get up in the middle of the night and go outside exploring; he was only 13 months older than me. One night he tried to get me to sneak out the window with him, it was so dark outside and seemed so far to the ground to me, I refused and crawled back into my bed. Later, not sure how long he was gone, a policeman showed up at the door with him. My parents had to promise to put locks out of his reach on all the doors and windows.
In June of that year we moved to a different house, one that my grandparents owned, I loved that house. There was a huge yard to play in, and a nice church just behind the house. It was the same building that had housed the cult church but new name and new preacher. There was a neighbor family with a boy my brother’s age and a girl my age. Another neighbor boy lived a few houses down on the other side of us; he was my brother’s age also. He had a sister too, but she was much older than us so I really didn't know her.
Across the street was this old man that we came to look at like a Grandpa. For many years all I remembered about him was going over to his house, getting a soda and Fig Newton’s, and watching TV. I didn't remember what we watched or even going home. I found out after I was an adult that my parents and my friends' Mom thought something was wrong. My friends Mom found a pair of my panties in his car one time. My parents asked me if he was doing anything to me but I always said no because I didn't remember it. After my brother was an adult he started saying things had happened to him, but I didn't believe it and thought he was making it up for an excuse for the things he did. I didn't start remembering till after I learned that the old man had died. I still don't remember much about what happened with him over the next several years, but I know there were many times he sexually abused me. I still don't understand why or how someone could do those things to children, I never will
Most of my memories from that time are good ones, my Dad had a short temper but mostly I remember playing outside with my friends and going to church. After church I'd run home to watch a bible show, don't remember what it was called but you could join their class, I didn't join the class till after I started school and could read. They had puppet shows and it was really neat.
For holidays we went out to the country to my Grandparents or Great-Grandparents, there was always so much good food and I loved spending time out in the country fishing and playing. For Christmas my Grandparents and Uncle from Florida would come up and we'd go to my cousins. Grandpa would take all us cousins bowling. My cousin and I, we were the same age, would always get similar presents, like one would get a brown-haired doll and the other would get a blonde-haired one. My brother and our cousin that was his age would get similar balls, army toys and stuff like that. They always tried to be fair with all of us.
That's all I remember about that year right now.

Moving back home

When we moved back to Missouri we stayed near my Great-Grandparents till my parents decided to move to the “big city” when I was three. One of the stories I remember from this time was my brother attacking the cactus. My Great-Grandma loved Cactus’; she was born in New Mexico Territory and spent most of the first half of her life in Desert type areas. She somehow had kept several cacti alive even though Missouri winters get really cold. My brother was walking by her flower garden one day and one of the cacti was in bloom. He reached to touch the pretty flower and got a sticky surprise. He was always short tempered, like our Dad, so he hit the cactus. Needless to say, he got stuck some more. Not sure who all was watching this, but I do know Mom said she was laughing so much as he continued to bat the offending plant that she couldn’t remove him from the area. She said they spent hours picking the needles out of both of his palms. I think my parents were both working at the country store again during this time; my Great-Grandparents babysat us. That’s all I know for 1976.

Life in Florida

We lived in a little trailer until I was 9 months old; Mom had finally convinced Dad to move to Florida where her family was. Dad got a job with the city, but it was hard to make ends meet. I developed Asthma shortly after we moved down there. I was sick a lot, would run temperatures “for no reason”. Mom would be freaking out all night, by the next morning when she got me in to the doctor, I was fine. My Dad really did not like being down there. It was during this time that my Mom’s side of the family first saw me and my brother being abused. No one did anything, it was a family matter, and they did not like my Dad much needless to say. We moved back to Missouri in either Dec. of 75 or Jan. of 76. That’s all I really know about that year.

The beginning

The year was 1974; my parents had been married for a year and a half and already had one child. They lived in a small town in Missouri. I was born about halfway through this year in the “big city” of Springfield. I was the first female on my Dad’s side of the family to be born since my Great-Grandpa’s generation; I guess you could say I was a little spoiled especially by my Great-Grandpa. My parents met at one of the Christian colleges a few years earlier. Dad had a very brief marriage before marrying Mom, but his first wife was unfaithful so they were married for less than a year. When Dad and Mom decided to get married they had a hard time finding a preacher to marry them, I sometimes wonder if it was also partly due to Mom already being pregnant. Eventually they found a minister who would perform the ceremony; my brother was born six months later. I'm not sure on the dates, but at some point from the time my parents started college and the time we moved to Florida we attended a Baptist church cult. The preacher was Frederick A. Drummond; the church was called Galilean Baptist Church. One of these days I'll put a full history up on this guy. I don’t obviously have memories of that first year, but I do have some stories I’d like to share that have been told about that time. Dad and Mom ran one of the country stores where we lived, Mom would take me to work with here and I’d sleep under the counter in a milk crate. At night they would put me to sleep in a dresser drawer, I was so tiny. That is how 1974 was for my family.

My life story

This blog will be about my life story up to present day, and then we'll see what happens with it. I will be posting it one year at a time. I'll be honest, not everything will be from my own memory since I have memory issues, but I can guarantee it's accurate because it's been verified by multiple sources. I will be leaving out names and places to protect certain members of my family. I hope that this will be a healing experience for me and possibly help others also. I'll allow open comments, but I reserve the right to delete a comment if it's hurtful to me or others. Thank you for taking the time to read my story.
Quietheart